Confession 001: Frustrated Pen Pusher

"If writing seems hard, it’s because it is hard. It’s one of the hardest things people do." -William Zinsser 

I definitely agree with the statement of William Zinsser that writing is not an easy task. For me it's  a mind-fucking and hair-pulling kind of hard. Ever since grade school I have this fright towards writing essays, articles, journals, poems etc.. basta anything that concerns about writing.  A girl is expected to have this secret journal or secret best friend who's job is to keep a secret or better known as "DIARY" but in my case I never had one. Didn't even bother to buy such thingy. Dear Diary.... blah blah blah, Dear Diary?? I never experience that!!. I don't know why I don't have this deep inclination in writing, maybe because I am not that expressive when it comes to written communication or maybe because of some external factors that deprived my mood of interest in writing. I don't like the ideology of hating It but at some point I did hate it specially when i am asked to write about a topic that is beyond my circle suicide na teh..,usually school requirements.. that I am forced to write something with in a span of a short period of time. nah.. I'd rather go chattin'! even a simple all-about-yourself takes me a lot of time to finish it (poor me).

 There are  many times that I end up with a messy paper that is full of drawings, my so-called abstract ART (your own version of kuris2x) , and a lot more kuris2x and kuris2x and kuris2x.. until such time na wala ng space yung paper. I admit I don't usually devote  my time on writing but I am fond of envisioning  myself like those real writers (in my dreams lang!). How I wish I would be able to publish my own novel someday (romance para bibo!) but having this writing anxiety... It just beyond reality, a dream that will never come true, nightmare na lang sya.  So I conducted a self check to examine the possible cause of this writing anxiety. Below are the reasons that hampers me to write.

• Don't know how to start

• Struggle sa Grammar  (permi kasayup)

• Baluktot and eSpelling (1st grader blues.hahahha)

• Lack of focus (masyadong maraming iniisip na ibang bagay)

• Not in the mood

• Confused sa S-V Agreement. (dafuq! hahahha)

• No inspiration

• No Review of Related literature

• Not conducive for writing ang location (sensitive sa external factors)

• Pangit ang ballpen 

• Matipid sa papel (wa juy papel)

• Kinda busy with other commitments

• Tired of digging deep and interesting ideas

• Walang pinanghuhugutan

• Na badtrip kai Sir/Maam (hirap ng exam o quiz)

• Medjo boring ang life (wala masyadong kakaibang experience na ma  share)

• I hate being time bounded (it takes time to create a better output yah know!)

• Limited lang ang voca.. (shame)

• I'm intensely a very private person (di mahilig mg share ng saloobin through writing)

• Walang motivator
• Laging pagod
• TAMAD (seriously!)

I guess the root of all my writing anxiety is PROCRASTINATION (kapoy abri libro) because if there is creative reading then as well as creative writing. So I'll work on that and try to push harder in order to overcome this problem with in me. Practice lng siguro and basa more often..Sorry if I bore you.. If it wasn't because of our subject Emerging Communication Technology I wont bother writing this piece of roootss.. really.. Ok. I'll end up my lamentation here before I lose my hair .. tara usap na lng tayu!

(PS: it takes a lot of courage to admit such imperfection in public..and it takes a lot of TANDUAY to post it here!.. just being honest)